Remembering The GOOD in Goodbye

"Waiting for the end to come, wishing I had strength to stand
This is not what I had planned, it's out of my control.
Flying at the speed of light, thoughts were spinning in my head
So many things were left unsaid, it's hard to let you go...

The hardest part of ending is starting again."

Waiting For The End - Linkin Park

The day I received the news that my Me'Me' had passed, I knew it was coming and I wanted to be there. I didn't get to say goodbye, and I was angry about it. When I got into my car to leave work, Waiting For The End was the first song playing on my radio.  I will forever have that memory every time I hear that song.

Life is full of goodbyes.  Some are very hard to say, some are bittersweet, and others you just can't say it fast enough.  No matter the circumstance or how we feel about these moments, it comes down to life being all about letting new events and people into our lives until it is time to say goodbye to them.

Pretty depressing, no?

But it's true, and it's necessary, and in a way it's beautiful. I've had to say goodbye in a lot of different ways throughout my life.  I think we all have.  Goodbye to friendships, family, relationships, even a marriage. Goodbye as a choice and goodbye through death.  We cry, we grieve, we get angry, we get scared. Often times, we feel like our own life is over because of that goodbye.  However, we learn that time heals all wounds and if we allow it, every goodbye does strengthen us for the next one.

There are some people I will always look back on and miss, especially the people who played a part in making me the woman I am today like my Me'Me'.  There are others that I look back on and I thank God for putting the distance between us. It wasn't until they were gone that I realized how deeply they hindered my life.  Those are the goodbye's that I couldn't say fast enough, but I am still thankful to have the experience their influence gave my life.

Finally, there are the bittersweet goodbyes.  Over time, they can also be accompanied with peace.  I can now look back on empty friendships and relationships, and smile.  I am happy for the other person and I wish nothing but the best for them.  God has brought my life to such a beautiful place today that I don't need to rely on my past or those old goodbyes in order to find my happiness.  Reaching that point of closure is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Living with forgiveness and no anger in your heart is a wonderful feeling.

Have you reached that point in your own life or are you still struggling with some bitterness?

There is one, and ONLY one constant in life, whom we don't ever have to worry about losing or saying goodbye to. He is our Heavenly Father.  I have my husband and my children, who have made my earthly life seem "complete" and "satisfied."  However, at the end of the day they are just as human as I am.  Nobody ever knows where life is going to take us from one day to the next.  God is the only steadfast promise in my life, and in anyone else's who chooses to make Him their #1 priority.  He is the greatest peacemaker and closure for our hearts. He makes it clearer for us to see which goodbyes we need to say, and when it's time to say them. He makes all of our goodbyes easier to go through.

I am going to end this entry with something from my old blog that I came across. I found an entry that I had written just as I had gone through my divorce and officially became a single mom:

Bubby (when he was just 2 years old) and me! I'm not crying, you are.

"A Love Song For My Lord... In your eyes I see admiration for a woman I could hardly recognize, if it weren't for the way you love me. This blessed feeling beyond happiness fulfills my desire for living life one breath at a time, with my best friend to hold my hand and reassure me that any trial can be overcome, and to remind me that my life will never have to be empty again. This lack of fear for a pain that kills worst than a murderer is absent from my mind, soul, and the heart that beats for your love so true. I will never have to hesitate the words "I Love You"-- they will always flow out of my mouth easier than any song I've ever sung. My prayers will remain fervently on our walk, that we'll some day join together in one life bigger than any world I could have drawn in my own mind. Our life together will have no ending, for it starts with a beautiful beginning and only stops when you lay down the pen and paper. You are forever the author of my love story."

Looking back on my writings during those times are fun, especially to see how far God has brought me in my life.  The words I wrote above still hold true. The Lord is forever the author of my love story and that makes my love for Him and my husband even greater.  In fact, God has always been behind every story in my life, including each and every person who has walked into my life and also those who have walked out.


So take a graceful bow to those who you've already waved goodbye to before, and thank them again for the roles they played in your life.  Keep moving forward into the darkness of tomorrow, being ever ready to embrace your next "hello" and your next "goodbye," and take comfort knowing the Lord will light your path.


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